When the Festive Season Feels Like Another World

Have you ever been to a movie during the day in the summer holidays — one set in midwinter — and when you step out of the air-conditioned cinema into the bright hot sun, you feel a jolt of dislocation? You hadn’t realised how deeply you’d entered that dark, wintry world until the summer light hit your eyes and skin. That same sense of disorientation can hit those of us working in health, social services, not for profit or ministry at this time of year.  The frivolity, triviality and indulgence of festive celebrations stand in stark contrast to the suffering that we are supporting in our daily work.  

We don’t just do tasks that can be easily put down, when we go to a party.  As Hayley Kelly says we ‘carry lives’.  We hold responsibility for peoples physical, social/emotional, spiritual and mental wellbeing.  That responsibility tends to weigh heavy over the festive period especially when we are working or on call while others are on holiday. If you have just been sitting with someone in crisis it jars to suddenly need to reply to a text about bringing the mince pies for an event.  

There is an incongruence between the heaviness of our work and the surface-level cheer of those around us.  

It is hard to look around and see that everyone winding down and starting their holidays and you still have 10 shifts to go before you can take a break (if you are even allowed one).  You feel disoriented, dislocated like you are in a different world to your friends and family, seeing things others don't notice.  

It can even make you want to stand on the table and yell:  None of this is important. 

That sense that your thoughts, feelings and nervous system are on another planet can make it hard to engage with our hoa me tō whānau.  Yet that sense of positive connection may be what you need most. If you are feeling the quiet alienation of carrying others’ suffering and having to engage with joy in festive events, be kind to yourself. It's not easy work. 

Here are a few ways to navigate the transition:

• Acknowledge the dislocation.  Accept that moving from work carrying other’s crises to being festive can feel like being slapped in the face with wet seaweed on a hot day.  It's difficult and you may need a little preparation and nurture to make that transition.  
  

•  You are not alone.  Although media would have us believe everyone is joyful and holidaying, we know that is not true.  You are not alone in dealing with this struggle. Talk about it in supervision, with colleagues or with trusted others who understand the disorientation.

• Pause before leaving work.  Take a few moments to recognise and accept your feelings.  Be curious about what your reactions are to all you have seen today.  Hold those feelings kindly with care and warmth. 

• Use transition time well.  Give yourself a little extra time to transition between work and parties, thinking about what would best support the recalibration you need.  Perhaps it is a few moments of mindfulness, music, or singing in the car on the way home.  Maybe you need a nap, or silence in a quiet room.  Tend to your needs even if others are waiting for you. 

• Be honest with those you trust.  You don’t need to share all the details, just let people know that you find it difficult to switch modes from crisis to celebration.

• Ease in gently. Sometimes walking into a large gathering can feel overwhelming. Consider arriving with a supportive friend or family member who can absorb some of that festive greeting energy for you.
  

Thank you for the work you do through the holidays.  It matters. 

And remember making work more human again begins with self-kindness. 

Christina Baird Psychologist

Want to connect with Christina? Book with her via ignite