Over 50,000 Kiwis have recently returned to New Zealand, making this subject more topical or necessary than ever. While it might sound contradictory, expats returning home can feel like their whole world and identity has been turned upside down. Most challenging of all it often comes out of the blue, leaving the returnee feeling blindsided by their emotions when they arrive home.
Whether you are a recent returnee to New Zealand or you have friends, family, colleagues, or employees that have recently returned home, I hope you find this article comforting and useful.
Reverse culture shock, or re-entry, is simply a common reaction to returning home from living abroad. It is an emotional and psychological stage of re-adjustment, similar to your initial adjustment to living abroad.
If You've Recently Returned
You might experience anything from mild to major reverse culture shock, depending on many different factors including how long you have been away, how culturally different your host country was, and whether returning home was by choice or necessity. Know that whatever you are feeling right now is completely OK and normal. Many returnees, not understanding what they are going through, may wonder what is wrong with them and why they are feeling like this. They then put ridiculous pressure on themselves to get over their discomfort and get on with life, which takes a serious toll on their wellbeing.
Here's my reality check and validation: You've just been through a massive transition. Likely you have not just moved countries, you have also moved jobs and had to say goodbye to loved ones (perhaps even a spouse back in your host country) - all in the midst of a pandemic. That is no small thing.
Supporting Returnees
You can be a good support person by being patient and kind and educating yourself about reverse culture shock. One of the hardest things for returnees can be a sense of not being understood, of struggling and not being able to explain how they are feeling. You may not have had the same experience yourself, but that does not mean you cannot practice great listening and validation skills.
Below are my top five pointers for thriving rather than just surviving through transition. While there is no one-size-fits-all for the uniquely personal experience of re-entry, it is my hope that these give you a foundation for wellbeing while re-discovering home.
A Starter Kit for Re-Entry
• Accept the messy in between-ness of transition as normal and necessary. I recommend the book Transitions by William Bridges (my regular travelling companion on all major transitions).
• If you don't already have one, develop and stick to a weekly or, ideally, daily wellbeing practice. Start small. A wellbeing practice is highly valuable and transportable real estate you can bring with you on your journey home.
• Cultivate a perspective of curiosity and fascination. Be open and always on the lookout for what you are learning while in transition.
• Know and keep an eye out for your inner critic and watch negative self-talk. Understand fear as a natural byproduct of stepping out of your comfort zone and don't buy into false logic.
• Seek support. While friends and family can be a great resource, they can't help but have an agenda. Seek objective support, someone trained and skilled in supporting people in transition - a counsellor, coach, or therapist.
Verity Mace is a Christchurch based coach who specialises in navigating major life transitions such as repatriation. If you've recently returned to New Zealand and are finding it challenging to adjust or have a loved one, colleague, or employee who could use support, Verity is passionate about helping returning expats thrive rather than just survive through transition. If now is the time to talk with an expert like Verity, explore Ignite's individual support subscription options or ask your employer to consider employee subscriptions for your workplace.
Contact hello@ignite.org.nz to find out more.